Wrapping Up 2010...

2010 is finally coming to an end soon... Time for me to look back and give 2010 a wrap up. 2010 has left me with many thoughts and I really hope that 2011 will be an even better year ahead...

Work...
Work has been hectic for the whole of this year. I hardly have a chance to really breathe at work throughout the year. The moment I have slightly little more time for myself to take a breather, work starts to pour in again. :( It is probably quite lucky that we managed to hire someone to help me out. She is not perfect, but she is young and I believe, can be guide and coach to be a better help.

I have probably learnt more things at work in 2010 than I ever had to or get the chance to be exposed to if I stay on in this job if my bosses did not leave. I had learnt to fend for myself, defend my position, argue with people about what works and what don't, see how ridiculous some people can be, work my way around to get things done and see the true colors in some people. It was also great that I managed to get more exposure at work by meeting customers and etc. It was a whole new experience that if my bosses did not leave, I probably won't get exposed to so soon. In a way, the leaving of my bosses are both a plus and minus for me. It sort of accelerated my progress and I have to learn to survive.

I guess I can say that I am a survivor at work now...

Study...
I have finally finished my Uni studies after 2 years. It was definitely not easy for me to juggle both my work, travel and studies at the same time especially when I had been much busier at work this year compared to previous years. My results showed how bad it was for me. :P It was a relief to me when I received my results as I thought I will need to "da bao" one of the modules. Phew~

I am still contemplating about the job switch thingy. I have started looking out for jobs but not actively. I may or may not want to switch... Let's see how it goes...

O... crazy me went and signed up for a language course to learn Japanese. It should start in Jan 2011. :P I guess since I suddenly have so much time on hand, I can use it to learn something too. :D

Grow Up...
I hate to say this but I had to tell myself that it is time for me to grow up and not to just trust what people have to say. There are many times when I put trust in my friends, to find that it is all a lie after all. I have to learn that they may no longer be the person whom I used to know. Everyone grows up. It's time for me to grow up and not to put my trust in everyone. I guess this is why some people always say "The only person you can trust is yourself."

Quote from Heroes Season 04

"Life changes. We all changed. Sometimes you have to remember who you were before you figure out who you want to be."

Is it really true?

Weird...

Weird... For someone who hates studying... I suddenly realised I study damn lot leh... I have spend like almost all my life studying... If I don't count in nursery and kindergarten, let me see...

Age 7 to 12 : Primary School
Age 13 to 16 : Secondary School
Age 17 to 18 : Junior College
Age 19 to 21 : Polytechnic
Age 23 to 24: Advanced Diploma
Age 27 to now: Degree

*jaw drop* I never realised that I only have like 4 years break in between leh... ok... This will be the last one... After that no more unless it's short courses... Maybe I will take up a make up course like Yiqun they all... But that is after I finish my degree first... Haha...

Primary School Class Gathering

Nowadays, other than wedding dinners, I guess the other more unexpected place to have a gathering is probably at a funeral wake.

I had a primary school class gathering at a funeral wake just the other day. I received an sms from my primary school classmate saying that his dad had passed away. He thought that he should let his primary school friends know. I smsed some of the few others to check if they will be attending the wake. If they are, when? In the end, it appears that this friend of mine only informed me about it as no one else seem to know anything about it. So I end up sort of helping him "spread the word".

4 of us turned up for the wake. 1 of them could not make it as she is getting married this year so she is not supposed to attend any weddings or funerals this year. We talked about the past. Talked about who used to like who, talked about what we used to do in school, talked about the teacher whom everyone loved but is actually the one who ill treated us the most. It was really fun to recall all the olden days. Gone were the days but bits and pieces of the memory returned as someone recalled something. Some of the memories were added as we told each other things that they never knew or noticed. It was really fun to recall them back...

I look forward to another primary school gathering. Definitely in another situation... Till then...

Getting to Know Yourself Better

The results are more true than I want to admit...

Below are your Personality Tests result:

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Your view on yourself:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Other people find you very interesting
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : But you are really hiding your true self
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Your friends love you because you are a good listener
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You like serious
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Smart
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Determined people
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You don't judge a book by its cover
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : So good-looking people aren't necessarily your style
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship

The seriousness of your love:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : So you will find yourself with plenty of dates

Your views on education:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Education is less important than the real world out there
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Away from the classroom
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Deep inside you want to start working
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Earning money
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Living on your own

The right job for you:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You're a practical person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Will choose a secure job with a steady income
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Knowing what you like to do is important
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Find a regular job doing just that
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You'll be set for life

How do you view success:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are afraid of failure
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous

What are you most afraid of:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Independence is important to you

2009...

2009 had come and gone... Time really flies... Recounting 2009, this year has been good and bad to me...

1. I went back to school... I still can't believe I went back to school... One thing I am glad is that I managed to pass all my exams. That's good news considering quite a few of my classmates flunked. I fared better than I had expected too.

2. I passed my driving!!! Ha... But to be frank, I suck at driving and I still preferred to be chauffeured around. So yeah... unless there is a need to, otherwise I probably won't drive. haha...

3. My bosses quitted! Ya... I am still without a boss now... Damn sian...

4. I managed to overcome some problems that I had for the longest time. I managed to think through somethings and I do hope somethings will stay that way.

5. I have made some really good friends with a few of my classmates. :D

I keep saying that I hope 2010 will be a better year until a friend of mine said that 2009 has been quite a good year for me. So why do I still want 2010 to be a better year? Yes I agree 2009 has been quite a good year but there is always room for improvements right? ;)

Never underestimate Anyone...

I used to have a classmate in Secondary School whom I don't really like. He is a nice guy lah just that I find him too kao peh most of the time and sometimes very irritating in class. A few years back, I got back in touch with him again. He's a total changed person from the guy he was many years ago...

He went and studied in NIE to become a teacher!!! Knowing how much headache he had given the teachers when he was in secondary school, this news came as a big surprise. More recently, he graduated from NTU with a first class honours and also a LKY gold medal. Totally jaw drop...

I guess this is what people always say about never underestimate anyone. People who are not very studious, successful when they young, don't mean that they will not be in the future... Who knows what will happen in the future right? :)

Being Friends with the Ex...

It seems to me that there really is not many people around who can accept the fact that their bf/gf is still friends or worse yet, best friends with their ex.

This didn't really happened to me. Rather, it happened to my best friend who was my ex bf. Seems to me that all his gfs or rather most of his gf are unable to accept the fact that both of us are still very good friends even though we broke up. It took some of them quite sometime to get over it. Some never got over it but have to accept it. My bf is probably one of those who are forced to accept ba... I'm not too sure also...

I just don't get it why does it bothers them so much? It was long over for the both of us. I am, in a way, happily attached already... It's not like I ever harbour any thoughts about us getting back together again. Neither does he... And most of all, we had changed... We are no longer who we used to be. We are still best friends because we understand each other/s thoughts and mentality most of the time. Yes, I say most of the time because sometimes I do have the urge to kill him when I cannot comprehend with his ideas and way of thinking. Most importantly, in a way, both of us grew up together. We walked alongside each other through many parts and often, most important parts of our lifes. This probably made the bond between us stronger than most people's. That is probably why we are still best friends even though we used to be together especially when we were good friends before we got together then.

No matter what, I do hope he will be able to find his happiness soon... After all, I wish the best for him...

Turning back time...

A part of me wants to turn back time. So that I will not have so many regrets... Regrets such as not studying hard enough and end up going one BIG round just to get a degree. Regrets such as being so stubborn and refusing to study the course I had applied for a few years ago because RMIT insist on me studying 2 years instead of 1.5 years that I had wanted. Regrets that things I would probably be or have done if I had obtained my degree earlier.

However I do know that even if I can turn back time, I would probably have done all these things all over again. It's just me I guess... Even if I did not end up doing these things, I might end up doing other things and still regret doing them too.

I have to keep telling myself that whatever that had happened had happened... No point regretting them now. I can only live on with it and learn to deal with them. For better or worse.

At least the path that I am going through now allows me to know some dear friends whom I would otherwise probably never know. At least it gave me some dear memories that I know I will keep in my heart forever no matter what. Memories I will never want to forget...

Probably like what a good friend of mine said, "no need to wonder, bound to have a few regrets here and there. It's how u choose to deal with them that makes u a better person."

Sometimes...

Sometimes I wished I can turn back time... Maybe then I won't have so many regrets... Maybe then... I won't have to be faced with such a difficult decision to make...

Remember...

This thing that he tells me remains in my mind... "Remember what is most important to you... Whatever decision that you make, live it out and makes sure it works out..."

Thanks for the talk... :)

Decision...

Just when I stopped thinking about it, I was posted with a question that needs me to make a decision... No matter which option I take, there will never be a win-win situation for me. However, I do know that I have to make this decision sooner or later... When I do make this decision, I hope I will not regret it.

Cruel

Sometimes I feel that after you end a relationship, you need to be cruel to the other party in order to let them not have any more hope left. You may be together with that person for a long period of time or maybe the person really loves you alot but when the time comes that there is no way for you to continue the relationship, it might be actually better to be cruel and cut off all contacts with them than to 拖拖拉拉.

There may be a chance that later in life, the both of you may become friends again but there is always a down period when you need to be firm and stop all contacts. Being cruel may be the fastest way for that person to forget you even though they may feel very hurt. That might be kinder to them instead. After all, how many times have you feel sick about being given false hope then get disappointed time and again? It's time to wake up from the dreams... Time to know that nothing may ever come out of it... When it's not meant to be, it's just not meant to be...

Randoms...

Exams = Get Fat

I just can't shake off the thought of exams = get fat time. Definitely not after I went into Cold Storage and bought snacks costing me almost $15. I still have some snacks at home too... lol...

Anyway I really need to get down to study... My classmates were amazed at how little I had studied... I think this time really siao liao... My exams is going up the lorry liao...

Cab Fare
Wah... I have been spending lots on cab fare this past 1 month. I probably spend $100+ on cabs alone I think... Just yesterday, I spent like $50 on cab alone... I really should cut down liao but... haha... I'll try I'll try... :P

Sway
I was working with some dye at work yesterday. I ended up with blue color all over myself even though I took protective measures liao... I guess it's still not enough. Feeling tired and blue, I decided to take a cab home after work as I was supposed to meet my classemates to study after work.

I was so happy when I managed to flag down a cab not long after I leave the company as it is always difficult to get a cab at my work place. Usually I have to resort to call cab. Halfway to my house, the cab had a punctured tire. ~!#$% Damn sway... I ended up reaching home only at 9. Sian...

凡走过必会留下痕迹

I finally get to understand the phrase 凡走过必会留下痕迹. Each and every passerby in your life, affects you in some ways no matter whether it's good or bad.

I have been through quite a couple of relationships. From a possessive boyfriend, to bo chup boyfriend, things that I have learn may not seem to be alot but they do leave a mark. I learnt that I hate to have a bf who is possessive. Who tries to control my every movement. Especially not when I have strict parents to deal with. But that was many years ago... Still, through that relationship, I realised that I need my own space and freedom when I am in a relationship. I don't like to have to "report strength" every now and then. I compromise to doing it with my bf doesn't mean that I like it. However I do admit that if there are somethings that I compromise and will make the relationship a better one, I will do it. This does not make me a good gf. This only means that I am too lazy to quarrel with my bf every now and then about something I don't like to do but which he feels is necessary.

I have a good friend who is so affected by a previous relationship that it is affecting his new relationship. It is a pity for this to happen but I can understand the effect of a previous relationship to this new one. I will be like him too if it happened to me. I hate to see this happen but at least he still have a chance to make things right. Let's just hope that things are not too late.

Reflection...

Maybe it is time for me to go and reflect on what is happening around me. For some reason, I am not very surprised to hear from my other colleague that apparently someone is not very happy working with me. I guess it is inevitable to have conflicts while working together especially after working together for so many years. I just feel that, don't feel one way and yet act like you are very gam with me. At least let me know of any displeasure especially when I do know I am one who don't know how to "package" my words nicely and often offend people unknowingly.

It is probably good that I know how she is like and thus is abit weary of saying too much things in front of her. Maybe that's why I am not surprised ba... After all, I hear her gossiping to me about things of my other colleague that really shouldn't be told. This make me even more certain that there really are somethings that I should keep to myself. So most of the times even if I do gossip with her about somethings, it will be about things that I don't mind reaching other people's ears. You never know what will happen once the information gets through her.

I guess I really should think about what are the things that I can do better. After all, sometimes I do agree my "honesty" to some people are making me enemies in the company. I must learn to "lend a listening ear and otherwise, keep my mouth shut!"

All they need is a listening ear...

I did not joined my usual lunch kakis for lunch this afternoon because I was tired to go so far for lunch and the weather was too hot for me to venture out too. I would rather have lunch near my office and in an indoors setting away from the sun... :P

I ended up lunching with my other colleague from another building. Usually even if we do lunch together, there will definitely be other people around too. So it is actually quite rare that only the both of us are lunching together. She is one of my closer colleague in the company as we used to work quite closely together. As usual, we traded some gossips going around the company and etc. We were chit chatting when she told me this thing that I remember my bf told me before too. "Sometimes when people tell us things, they do not need us to make any comments. They just want a listening ear."

I think I really need to take this advice and stop commenting too much about things that people told me. Or even comment too much. My bf actually told me that he feels that I have very low EQ because I am not sensitive enough to know what I should say and what I should not. A lot of times I will tell people things because I feel that I should be honest to them. I just don't want to lie to them I guess. So I will tell them my honest opinion about things that I feel they should know. I guess this in turn may sour some of my relationships with other people. Some people just don't and cannot accept too much honesty.

I think I really should go and reflect about this...

Don't Quit

I saw this card while I was packing my stuff the other day. It was something that I bought many years ago when I was probably still in JC. Meaningful words...

Don't Quit

When things go wrong
as they sometimes will,
when the road you're trudging
seems all uphill,

When the funds are low
and the debts are high,
and you want to smile
but you have to sigh,
when care is pressing you down a bit
rest if you must but don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out
the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
and you never can tell
how close you are
It may be near when it seems afar,
so stick to the fight
when you're hardest hit...

It's when things seem worst
that you must not quit!

Thoughts...

My company recently sent two of my colleagues to this course which is some kind of a self development course. There is 3 parts to this programme, Basic Training, Advanced Course and Leadership Programme. The Basic Training is where they will let you gain self awareness or maybe self actualisation. I don't really remember what the Advanced and Leadership Programme helps you to achieve.

One of my colleague who attended it believed in how much it helped her that she went on to Advanced and Leadership programme. She was encouraging me to go for the course since I told her that I don't mind taking the course provided the company is sponsoring me. I am not willing to pay $1200 to attend this course which may or may not even help me at all.

My colleague thinks that this course will be able to help me as I do not know what is it that I want in life. I told her that sometimes it's not that I do not know what is it that I want in my life. I do know some of the things that I want, but it's just that knowing what I want doesn't mean that I can have what I want. There are times if the consequences as a result of what happen will outweigh the returns that I will get if I'm successful. This will in turn destroy everything that I have now. She was asking me whether I am happy if I don't do or get what I want. I may not be happy but sometimes it is not about getting what I want. It is just that there are somethings that I can foresee happening if I want to get what I want. There was once upon a time when I tried being courageous and took the initiative to try and reach out to get what I want but I ended up being disappointed. Really disappointed.

Now, I am still wondering if I should reach out and get what I want or just let things remain as it is now. After all, it is too high a risk to take and the way life is now is not very bad. Even if I know there will always be a regret that I cannot fulfil...

Regrets

I always caution myself when I make any decisions, that I should not have regrets. Just like that time when I choose what school to go after my 'O' Levels, what was I going to do after I did badly for my 'A' Levels. I never really have any regrets since I know what is it that I want.

No matter how I caution myself, there are always bound to be somethings that I cannot control. Just like how badly I fare in 'A' Levels thus I ended up having to back track and go to poly. I regretted not studying harder then so that at least I may be able to get into University and don't have to backtrack. However, life will definitely be very different for me if I never been through that stage of life. I will not know all those good girlfriends in poly. I may not be as good friends with Fred as I am now. I may not know those people from SPUG. I guess that's why people say "Things happen for a Reason".

There are other things that I regret too. Things like not starting my degree course sooner because of the unfairness in the stupid decision made by the school that made me postpone my studies. If I carried on with the course, I will probably be graduating this June and not like 2 years later. So sian... Anyway, it's too late to do anything about it now. So I just have to live with it.

There was 1 particular decision that I made when I was much younger (Damn, I am making myself sound so old) like when I was 17 that till now, I have not regretted at all. I was and still is, very glad to stand by what I did then. It was something which I never told anyone about before and never will. Not even to Fred who probably knows every other secret that I have. :P

Maybe I am trying to compensate for the one of the regrets that I once had and thus I am lead to make a decision. A decision that I am now starting to wonder if I will live to regret. Maybe not now, but in the future? I just hate the look of how things are going right now. The way that shows that I will regret making this decision one day. The way it is going to kill me...