生活就只是过日子而已

I saw a red flag in my health last year. It has been more than 1 year since I had been under medical treatment for it. Not the conventional treatment doctors will prefer for me to undergo though. 

There seems to be slight improvement to my medical condition. Not anything to jump for joy over though. Sometimes I wonder, by delaying the "rightful" treatment, does it mean that I am actually making myself walk one step closer to the grave as I drag on the treatment? Does it mean that I should only expect to live for another 5 years only? Or maybe I am left with even less number of years to live. Since I may need to start counting the days when I was first diagnosed. If I am really only left with 5 years, what is there that I want to do before I go? Is this really the way I want to end my life? I actually don't have an answer. 

To be honest, for me it is really more of like 生活就只是过日子而已. Like I said before, maybe it is because I lack of a motivation or purpose in life. I do not have any ambitions to be a career woman. I just need a job to pay my bills. I don't need a career. 

I did wonder before how important are friends to me. To be honest, I am quite selective of friends. As in real friends. I can claim to be friends with a lot of people, but at the end of the day, there are only a handful who had seen me for who I am. A handful who still have me actively messaging them or calling them to check on how are they. If I am to die one day, will I regret not keeping more friends close to me? I think probably not. What is the point of having so many friends around when they are not people who are there for you when you need them? 

At the end of the day, I really do not know what I want out of my life. Sounds very 没志气 right? But that is really what I feel. Sighhh... 

Time flies~

Time flies~ As in really flies... It had been more than 1 year since I started the treatment that till now, am not seeing much progress on. I have no idea how long do I need to continue with the treatment or maybe even how long I can continue the treatment for. Let's see how it goes bah...

I am in the new job for more than half a year! Getting quite used to it now. There are tons of process that the company has, which till now, is still foreign to me. Boss is loading me with more stuff to handle now. Plus we took on an additional sub region stuff so things are definitely getting more busy for me. Colleagues in this new company is pretty nice. Of course there are those who are eager to perform, but to me as long as they do not come and kajiao me, I will still be the nice person whom everyone thinks I am. They have yet to see my claws. :P

Mum suffered a minor stroke a few months back. It is lucky that she was alert and managed to identify the symptoms early. She was in the hospital plus Community Hospital for around 1.5 months and is currently back at home recuperating. She is able to move around fine, just slower. We accompanied her for shopping at Giant last Sat and sis said she was really happy. I guess maybe I should go back and spend more time with her. That said, our whole family had put a ban on Khoo Teck Puat Hospital. The service is really terrible because she was stuck without a bed for 4 days and we were kept giving false hope, saying she will get a bed the next day. That next day never came because we transferred out to Tan Tock Seng. TTSH is much better at managing expectation and was able to give her a bed the next day. Much better environment too.

I have been getting in touch with a few people that I thought I won't ever be. I just met up with my JC  classmates whom I had not seen ever since we graduated. It is nice looking back at all the stuff that we done in school. Too bad some of them were unable to make it.

Sometimes I am really quite amazed by the vast improvement of technology. I can still remember when we used dial-up for internet. MIRC, ICQ. Those stuff have more or less been obsoleted. New technology and social media did help me catch up with people I otherwise would not have been able to. Like I was speaking to this guy whom I got to know through an online forum many many years ago. It was like in the old days. Let's see who else will I get to catch up with. Any surprises. :)

Losing Weight

I have finally set my heart in losing the weight I had put on over the past 1 year. The last one year had been an unfortunate year especially for my "不要继续胖下去"的 plan. ha... I am just slightly happy that I can probably push the blame to the medication that I had been taking because I really never increase my food intake! *Girl Guides Honor* ha... 

Doctor had firmly told me that I really have to lose the weight that I had gained even if the weight gain is caused by the medication. So right now, I am putting in effort to losing the weight. After all, it is considered as last chance liao, so I have to do all that I can right? *bitter smile*

I have tried to cut almost ALL my favourite carbos. Sigh... no bread, no potatoes, no rice, no noodles. Or rather almost none. I still do take some carbo during breakfast and lunch but I try to minimise the portion. I have started going to the gym or jogging. Been trying to do that at least 2 to 3 times a week.  I have slight improvement in my jogging. Going further and further now. :D 

It is bit depressing that I had only managed to lose 2kg after 1 month. Hub lost 4kgs. Sian 1/2 especially when I see his progress versus mine. He will console me and say that it is harder for me to lose the weight because I still need to counter the medication too. I will console myself and tell myself that he cut his food portion and carbo while there is not much portion that I can cut since I don't eat much previously too. 

I hope, if I really manage to lose the weight, there will be improvement or complete closure to my medical condition. It is really not easy to not feel disappointed by what the doctors have to say about my condition op after op. I hope there is good news this time round if I really manage to stick to all that was recommended. 

Start of a new Journey

I am currently on the third week into my new job. What a big difference this is~ From a job where I am able to get about freely without having to ask anyone about most things, to a job where I have to check with someone constantly. I had to keep bothering everyone  constantly for some answers. For some reason, I found myself becoming the minutes taker for the meetings too. Of course that is only if my boss is the one chairing the meeting, which is like 3 times a week. -.-''' Sometimes I think I am like my boss's PA. ha... 

In a way, I think the new job is very interesting. It is a really different industry. So there is really a very steep learning curve. Every term that they are using sound so foreign to me. Sighhh... But I think I am more or less getting a hang of it after 3 weeks. At least I am finally able to make sense on what they are talking about now. Not an easy feat wor... haha... 

I am currently helping to compile the Year End Report. It is machiam like my school project where I used to be mostly in charge of compiling and editing all the language. Sooooo... familiar. lol.. 

I hope the new job will go well~ I am thankful that the people in the company seems to be quite nice. :) So now, I am hoping the job will go well too. :)

Last Day~

Time flies~ today is my last day at work! It has been a long 12.5 years. This is the first job I had and never had I ever imagine that I will actually stayed on in my first job for 12.5 years. 

I think in a way, I am still going to miss the people here. After all, we did had fun and laughter together. There are many memories that I had with them that I will keep for years to come. =)

I am excited to embark on a new journey. A totally unexpected turn of a new chapter in my life. Looking forward~ =)

Happy Birthday to me!

I took this photo at the 年梯 near 日月潭文武庙 when we were in Taiwan last year. 20th October marks the day when I was brought into this world 34 years ago. Thank you all for the well wishes for my birthday. I had a fantastic day. =)

Bored~

I am currently on 2 weeks of hospitalisation leave. I went and got a scan because I felt a lump at my breast area. Doc did a scan and found a "lesion" at another part of my breast and suggested for me to remove it. So... here I am, with 2 weeks of hospitalisation leave... 

I'm bored... For the first few days after the op, I had trouble even getting down from the bed so I had to literally "slide" down from my bed. Things got better after the 3rd day. Heng arh... I can even sleep on my side now. 

For now... I'm just bored lah... because I dunno what to do with so much time... sian.. maybe I should catch up on my reading... see how bah... Now I am catching up on my blogging. haha...